On 23rd of June last month, Sophie Castelli and I premiered our piece “Raum im Raum im Raum” (Space in Space in Space) at the festival 48h Neukölln, in the morgue of St. Thomas cemetary.
A piece, we put our heart and soul into and well a lot of our darkness, to find the shadow that lies between darkness and light, as balance, as our truth, our truthful selves.
It is a research into ourselves and our darkness, the one we like to repress, the thoughts we have that are vile, behaviour that we dislike, merciless criticism and judgment against our selves and others, blame and shame, hate and fury. The powerful, and if not recognized for what they are, destructive forces, that lie within each and every one of us.
In my opinion a very current and explosive topic, if we look into the world and what is happening within it.
Violence and hate fuming in every corner, people dying, massacred, killed, nature exploited and raped, animals slaughtered in worst conditions.
And we complain and rage against politicians and their psychopathic practices, economical systems that exploit the poor. And still there are many refusing to recognise that we are the ones who caused all those catastrophic conditions. And forget that we are the ones, the only ones who can change those conditions.
I recently read something that in content said: “We see a child, blood streaming down it, dying in war, and we scream at God, for how can he let such cruelty happen in the world. But what if it is God, screaming at us, through the dying child for what we do to each other.”
And here is where we all need to start looking deep into ourselves to recognise first of all our own darkness.
We strive so much for the light, yet I wonder if we still really know what light truly is. We let ourselves be blinded by wealth and money, stylish clothes, fancy cars, newest technology.
We have lost connection to the true light that is nature, our nature.
Yes sometimes I want to scream for all the injustice and violence I see and feel, yet I know if I truly want to be part of changing this world into a more peaceful one, where light and love can find its way back into our being, I need to change myself.
Looking into the darkest corners of ourselves is not an easy task. It takes courage and trust. Some years I have been on this journey now, researching the darkness within myself. Painful it was often to acknowledge the brutality with which I have related to myself and to others, to truly understand the destructive patterns I hold within, I practiced in my thoughts and actions against myself and others. A long way of forgiveness to heal the pain I have inflicted on myself and people in my life.
And yet every time I managed to do so, darkness became light and I freed myself a bit more with every struggle and every confrontation.
To understand that only what we don’t know can control us, sent me on a mission to seek out my darkness, for I wanted and want to be free, to become conscious of my thoughts, my words and actions, to turn them into loving, caring, compassionate and peaceful ones.
Darkness holds a lot of power, but if we recognise, understand and take control we can use that power to do good.
So let us pause, every time when we are about to project onto others or blame, judge and shame. Let us dive deep and stir up the darkness to unravel the pain, the fear, the trauma, to free ourselves from it, take charge of who we are and how we put ourselves into the world.
Fear not the darkness within you, for it is your path to freedom, peace and unconditional, radiant love for in the end you will stand, bathing in your own light and that light will shine on others.